Mom tells of Mr. Snapper

Here's a funny exotic story from our family as told by mom:

The tale of Mr. Snapper

When my husband and I got together, he was a dedicated bachelor
that had never been raised with pets. He had self-promised never to
be dragged down by pets, kids, or marriage. When I came into his life
I had 2 boys, 2 dogs, 2 tanks of fish, a snake, some birds, a bunch of
plants, and an iguana. I'm not counting the chickens and bees here
because they did not go with me to my new home and actually my ex
hated my snake and the snake mysteriously disappeared one day when
he was visiting the kids. The fish ultimately did not survive the move.

Well my now husband, despite his anti-marriage statements, ended
up married to me with kids and menagerie anyway. He used to joke
(somewhat seriously) that if he ever got rid of us, he'd boot a kid
to the left, a kid to the right, dog to the left, dog to the right,
and the iguana and I would go up the middle. This was 17 years ago.

Fast forward 6 or 7 years. I have skipped over many funny stories,
an especially funny one involving the adoption (without my husband's
consent) of my now deceased silver tabby, Sage.

One day my youngest son came home with a turtle that had been
found in a friend's backyard. The family dog had been molesting
this poor herp and my son came to the rescue. Along with the turtle
was my son's plea of, "Can we keep it?" I knew that my husband would
not be pleased. My son and I took the turtle to the pet store for
identification. The pet store said that they thought it might be an
endangered desert tortoise and that these were illegal. We'd have to
take it to the division of wildlife for proper ID.

My husband came home that night and was not pleased to see the new
creature at our home. I promised him that it was probably a pet we
could not legally keep and that I would take the turtle to fish and
game the next day.

The next day rolls around and my son starts begging all the way to
the division of wildlife about keeping the turtle. He tells me all
about a program for families to foster desert tortoises. When we get
to the division of wildlife the herp expert tells us that no, this is
not a desert tortoise. This guy is an ancient box turtle that is
probably close to the end of his life span. She thought he might be
about 70 years old. My son was so happy! While there, she takes me
aside and asks if I'd be willing to sign up for their desert tortoise
foster program and be an emergency home, just in case. She said,
"Two turtles are as easy as one", and "It is unlikely we will ever
need you because we usually have homes waiting." She also told me
that they preferred to adopt to school teachers so that the tortoises
could be used for education.

Ya, right. Spirit sees and uses a softie animal lover every time.
You wouldn't believe the animals that have come right to our doorstep
looking for their owners or a new home. One time a zebra finch sat
right on my front gate and allowed me to pick it up. Of course, now
the finch had a new home.

I asked the herp expert if truly I wouldn't be called on because my
husband would probably be unhappy. She again reassured me. She told
me that she had 2 desert tortoises being held down south, but they
wouldn't be arriving for a few months. She said she'd have homes for
them by the time they were supposed to arrive.

The minute I finished filling out the paperwork, in walks a ranger
holding a big box. Guess what? Yep, it's the ranger from down south
and he has the saddest looking big desert tortoise that you have ever
seen. This poor guy was seized in a drug raid. The irresponsible
people that got raided had painted his shell hideous colours. He was
malnourished and in out-of-season tortoise heat (he wanted to breed a
female). He was really a mess. The herp expert takes me aside and
begs me to give him a home. She said that no teacher would want him
because he looked so bad. She got my son involved in working on me.
Finally I give in (my heart really did go out to this poor fellow and
I was willing to risk my husband's ire.)

She and the ranger talked about how big this guy is. The ranger
says, "Wait, you've not seen anything yet!" He goes down and brings
up another big box. He pulls out an even more enormous tortoise.
He's a male, too, and the two males start to joust. The herp expert
said that this was the oldest and biggest tortoise they had ever
seen. She estimated that he was between 125 and 130 years old. His
story was that he had wandered on to a golf course and couldn't be
sent back to the wild.

She goes to talk to the officer about our pending adoption. When she
returns, she tells my son and I that actually the poor painted on
tortoise had to be kept as evidence for an upcoming trial. She
wanted us to take the huge tortoise. She then micro-chipped him,
gave us a packet on tortoise care, a permit (we didn't even have to
pay for), and off we went with 2 turtles instead of the one my
husband expected to stay at the division of wildlife. The tortoise
was so big his box barely fit on to the floorboard of my little Honda
Prelude. My son was overjoyed.

The poor guy was so stressed he did a big stinky poop that smelled
horrible in the box (usually tortoise poop does not smell). When we
got to my husband's workplace, he asked if we had gotten rid of the
turtle at division of wildlife. I told him that he needed to come
out to the car because I had something to show him. When he got to
the car, his mouth fell open and he said, "Yuck, what is that
horrible smell?". At first he wasn't very pleased. My son and I
worked on him and promised that this foul smell was not typical. He
did give in and start to come around though when I told him, "Hey, 2
turtles are as easy to care for as one."

Mr. Snapper endeared himself in my husband's heart when we brought
him home. At this time we had a ferocious silver tabby named Sage.
He hated other cats and could and did kick any dog's butt. One of
his nicknames was Frankenkitty because every year he would get
abscesses on his head from fights. He would have to get drain tubes
sewn into the wounds to allow the infection to exit. You couldn't
keep him in the house. He tore every screen off the windows.

When we first brought Mr. Snapper into the house, Sage decided to
show him who was boss. Mr. Snapper was curious about Sage and
started going toward him. Sage whapped him a bunch of times. Mr.
Snapper kept on coming. He chased Sage around and around the living
room while our family laughed. He moved surprisingly fast for a
tortoise. Sage found out that he couldn't boss Mr. Snapper around
like he was used to doing with the dogs. Mr. Snapper was a star and
he's been happy ever since.

The ancient box turtle we named Old Man crossed the Rainbow Bridge
that winter. Sage crossed the Rainbow Bridge a little over 2 years
ago. Our other original pets crossed the Rainbow Bridge at ripe old
ages. We have new feline, canine, bird and fish companions. Mr.
Snapper survives to this day. My kids are grown up and out of the
home. I have grandchildren and more pets than ever :) My husband
has come around and is planning on keeping me company at our
annual Phoenix Exotics meeting. He has actually become an animal
lover and bought me a new aquarium and all the accouterments for
my birthday this past December. This will be my first aquarium since
I lost all my fish 17 years ago. He was also behind my new feline
companions because my heart broke when Sage passed. He said that
I was simply the kind of person that would not be happy without a cat.
I now have 4 fabulous felines including the irrepressible and
mischievous Pixie-Bob, Dakota.

Hope you like my story :)

Raven and Dakota, too